J e XMination
by LanaaLuthor
Summary: part three in the series/ sequel to JeXPolis/ The villain, Lex Luthor, is back, or is he really?
1. Chapter 1

**J e XMination - part 3 in the series**

The tile comes from domination as a world domination plus a metaphorical meaning that will be revealed later. There is also another clue, but this one I will leave for the end.

**Description: **The villain, Lex Luthor, is back, or is he really?

* * *

**AN: **After reading this chapter, you might get worried, but don't be:p

* * *

**Promo: (some spoilers inside! )**

* * *

Youtube

* * *

watch?v=8yL3M4ts0-c&list=PLqgt9RGa6Of4W_0Ub9Y5BxuPsRhBWK5QM&index=11

* * *

_There is so many ways to die…_

_ Dagger in your guts. Bullet in your head. An accident. Knife to your heart._

_ Old age used to be on this list once. It is no longer._

_ People have a choice, but they don't choose otherwise as they still don't have enough time. _

_ Some of them have too much, like me._

_ I repeat. Dagger in your guts. Bullet in your head. Knife to your heart._

_ Shock. Pain. Cold. Falling into nothingness…_

_ Being alone._

_ And then not being alone anymore._

_ That's the circle of life._

* * *

**Part 1**

_I was working late as always those days. There was no other way. I didn't want to come home. She wasn't even there and even though I knew where she was, I was too mad and too proud to go over there._

_ There was a rapping on my office door and I knew who that was immediately as there was only one person here that knocked in such a silly way._

_ Eve Tessmacher walked inside with a huge smile plastered to her heavily painted face. _

_ She gave me the files I requested and was just about to retreat, when she asked, "I've been working here for so long…" she started, "and you never notice me." There was a hint of complain in her voice._

_ "Excuse me?" I raised my eyes from the papers. She was so unintelligent that it was actually depressing. Everything about Eve was fake from her bleached hair, that supposed to be blond, to her manicured fingernails and probably also toes. I didn't even try to figure out how much make up she was putting on her face every day. Maybe a whole bottle, what was completely incomprehensible for me since she could be young forever and didn't have to hide any wrinkles._

_ She just sent me one of her special smiles, that was probably supposed to be coquettish, and left._

_ I sighed heavily and buried myself in work again._

* * *

It was late and I was reading one of my books while lying on my bed, dressed in shorts and a tank top.

I didn't know what to do with myself those days, so I was looking for some escape in fantasy. Sometimes it was a TV show I was watching, some other times a book. I was also meeting Imra and Alex pretty frequently. It was a nice thing that I had such a good relations with my son's future wife. Lily bothered to have lunch with me from time to time, but she was mostly occupied with Connor.

And I? I was all alone and had no idea what to do with myself.

I didn't feel like I screwed anything up, so it was up to Lex to show up in my fucking door and apologize to me. It wasn't like I was in love with somebody else. And I had the right to care about other people, even if they were males.

I felt a familiar waft of air and I saw Clark standing by my bedroom window.

"Clark," I said his name in surprise, putting the book aside. It was getting boring anyway. "Clark, what are you…" I stopped. The last time we'd talked to each other he'd been mad as hell at me for going back in time to save Oliver's life. Later on, he'd revealed to Chloe that he'd felt guilty for not coming back for Jimmy all those years ago, so I didn't know where we actually stood now. Especially when I hadn't been talking to him longer than I hadn't been talking to Lex.

"I'm sorry to show up here like that… I just…" he started, also feeling a little awkward.

"It's alright," I said quickly and sat on the edge of the bed. "You're my best friend, Clark. You can always come and talk to me," I assured him.

"Yeah, but… May I?" He pointed the bed and after I nodded, he sat by my side.

I knew him all too well as not to notice the change in him. He was bothered by something. Last time when he'd come to me with a problem Lois had gotten pregnant and it'd turned out the child would have Clark's abilities. I was the one who'd eventually saved Lois's life when coming up with the idea of putting blue kryptonite on her.

"I should start by saying that I'm sorry, Jess," he apologized and looked me in the eye from aside. "I am sorry for what I said to you. I'm sorry for yelling at you like that."

"Well, I guess it was our biggest fight," I admitted. "But it's fine, Clark. I understand, I really do, and I am not mad at you. I know that you were feeling guilty toward Chloe when I did something you refused to."

"So, can we just come back to what we had? To just being friends?" he asked with hope in his voice.

"Of course, I never stopped being your friend," I reassured him while touching his hand. "What is it that bothers you now?" I asked. "You won't hide it from me and you know it."

"It's Lois," he sighed heavily.

"She's not… sick or anything, is she?" I got worried.

"No, nothing like that. She's in perfect health," he said. "There's something else though… "

"She hasn't given up on her idea of more children?" I asked.

Clark just nodded and then hid his face in his hands.

"You know, ever since we found out she was pregnant," he started, straightening himself up again, "I haven't even touched her. I was too scared… And now… Now I'm still scared, because she's just adamant on that crazy idea! I don't know what to do to make her realize… I just can't… I can't make even one more kid. I can't and I won't. I can't even trust her now. Even if she tells me we're protected, I just…" Clark looked at me and my heart clenched on the pain visible in his expression.

"I get it, Clark," I assured him. "You don't want to burden a child with your destiny."

"Exactly, but Lois doesn't seem to get it. She thinks that we'll give those kids invulnerability, but I… I know how hard the responsibility coming with this is. She knows what I had to go through to fully accept my destiny, but she thinks once I did that, the kids will have so much easier. I know they won't. I can't just tell them to save the world. I want them to have…"

"…a choice," I finished for him. "I know."

"Yes. If I had more, I would like them to be able to choose whether they want to live like humans or… superheroes."

"I can't believe Lois doesn't see it," I admitted.

"Me neither. But again, she always saw me as a hero. She fell in love with me when I was the Blur. She was never there when I didn't know who I was, what to do with my life and how to live. All she knows is… Superman, and I… I'm just not him."

"You were always just plain Clark to me," I confessed, "with the slight difference that you were stronger than everyone else."

"I knew it was right to come here. It's such a relief to talk to someone who actually gets me."

"Well, I've known you longer than she has, so I do. There's also Chloe, you know," I noticed, "She's known you for even longer."

"Yeah, but… she still is my friend, but somehow… I feel like I should talk to you. Like you are my best friend."

"You're not the only one with a problem," I said after a few seconds of silence. "Lex walked out on me four months ago and I haven't heard from his since."

"I don't get him," Clark said. "What's happening to everyone? They're all acting so strangely…"

"Lex thinks that I went back in time to save Oliver, because I am in love with him," I told Clark.

"Are you?" he suddenly asked.

"What? No, of course, not!" I denied in indignation. "I do care about him, that is true, but I do care about you too! When I told that to Lex, he was even angrier like I didn't have the right to care about more than one man, well, in this case two, because Alex is a man and my son," I huffed.

"I better go," Clark said, stood up and I followed him. "Jessica, I am sure you and Lex can figure this out."

"Maybe. At least we don't have a baby army problem," I tried to joke, but it didn't work out well. "It will be fine. I am sure Lois will understand you soon. She loves you," I told him and put my hand to his face, doing my best to comfort him.

He smiled to me and my eyes met his. Then he put his arms around me, pulling me closer into his body, embracing me.

We stood there, together, feeling so much better when we were finally close to someone. I'd spent so many months in seclusion by now. He'd spent more than a year now without really touching his wife.

Suddenly, when we were parting, our eyes met again from up close and then his lips were kissing mine.

I was stunned, didn't know what to do. Exactly like that time when I'd let Oliver kiss me.

Only now there was also something else.

Need. Desire. It reached deep to my bones and instead of pulling away from Clark, I started kissing him back, seeking for his tongue and when I finally touched it with mine, I moaned in pleasure.

I felt his strong hands on my buttocks and then my back met the wall when Clark pushed me against it hard. I didn't even feel pain from this collision, instead I felt myself wanting somebody there for me. Wanting someone inside me and wanting it now. It'd been too long. Especially when I was so used to having sex on daily bases.

Clark's hands were roaming around my body, squeezing my breasts a little too hard, then tearing my shirt apart. I didn't wear a bra.

When his body came in contact with mine and I felt the hard bulge in his pants, I was lost. My inner channel had swollen and it was getting painful now. I wanted him so badly that I didn't think. Maybe I'd stopped thinking the moment he'd kissed me. How else could I explain what I was doing? And what he was doing. He must've forgotten too.

His lips closed around mine painfully erected nipples and I pulled on his red shirt (so happy he hadn't come to me in Superman suit) and then his gorgeous muscular chest was bare to my eyes. I ran my hands through it, enjoying the texture of his hard muscles and then I felt him sucking on my pulse.

That would definitely leave a mark, I thought, but didn't stop him.

My shorts along with my panties were also torn apart and now I was standing naked in front of him, shaking with desire. I was beyond wet and if I didn't get to feel him inside me soon, I would die, I thought. I would just die. I didn't even remember the last time I wanted somebody so badly.

His hungry eyes took in the sight of my body.

I tried to undo the fly in his jeans, but he was faster and then his hands were on my hips, raising me up and his painfully swollen cock was slammed inside me.

I screamed. It was a yelp, both of pain and agonizing pleasure. I wasn't used to Clark's size and he was huge. But I loved every second of it. It was a kind of catharsis for me.

He had me in such a strong hold of his hands that I was sure it would leave bruises, but I didn't care. I was just experiencing the Clark that didn't hold back. The Clark that was giving me all he had. The Clark that wasn't afraid to hurt me because of his powers. Maybe hundred years had taught him something.

He was fucking me mercilessly and I couldn't keep myself from screaming in pleasure and ecstasy. I didn't feel pain anymore, all that was there was a ride to climax. Probably the best I'd had for decades.

And when he finally roared, slamming into me even harder, his chest grazing my nipples, his strained muscles shining from sweat, I came so hard, so powerfully that my vision went white and I couldn't even tell what my name was. Nothing existed but us.

He roared again and then he froze, spilling himself inside of me with hot, rich spurs.

I clang to him, because my whole body was shaking and I didn't know if I could stand still.

His head rested in the crook of my neck and I could feel his hot breath there.

Then I started realizing who I was. And most important, who he was.

"Oh, my… Oh, my god…" he rasped and let me go, turning around so fast I had to close my eyes because I felt dizzy. I found myself sliding down to the floor with my back against the wall. I was still shaking, but this time from an entirely different reason.

"Did I hurt you?" was his first question. His voice was changed though. It didn't seem to belong to him and it was full of guilt.

"No," I said, hearing my own voice. It was squeaky.

"I'm sorry. I've never felt so out of control in my life," he confessed. "_Never_."

This answer hit me again. So he didn't learn to control himself after all? So he could have just killed me?

But he didn't kill me. Part of him was still there in his mind, a part that was telling him not to crash me.

"Jessica…" he started, but didn't finish. We didn't know what to say, both burdened with guilt so huge it was unbearable. He still didn't turn around to look at me.

What was it? I thought. A spur of the moment thing? Lack of sexual satisfaction from the last few months and, when it came to him, last year? I had no idea. But even if, I shouldn't have let that happened. He shouldn't have. It just shouldn't have happened.

It was so weird. It was like a destiny calling that had yet not come to past. Like it came hundreds of years too early.

What was I even thinking? I was going mad! I put my hands to my head.

Now, when I was watching Clark's back, I felt numb again. His perfect back. He managed to put the jeans back on, but he was still shirtless and his back was so…

I closed my eyes, forcing myself to breath in deeply and then breath out. I needed to calm myself down.

"This never happened," Clark finally said in a stone voice. "Do you understand?"

"Yes," I answered hoarsely, because it was the only answer I could give him. I got it. He got it.

"It would kill both Lois and Lex, so we have to forget it."

Then he was gone. He just… left.

And I was still on the ground, my arms hugging knees and I started crying.

What was wrong with me?!

WHAT WAS GOING ON?!

First I let Oliver kiss me and then I let Clark _fuck_ me?!

I didn't know how long I was just sitting there, crying, now shaking from cold because I was completely naked.

Then I finally managed to heave myself up, feeling sore and bruised all over. Still feeling Clark's huge cock inside me even though it wasn't there anymore. My channel was still pulsing. Then I felt Clark's sperm flowing down my thighs. I couldn't stop sobbing.

I went to the bathroom and was afraid to look in the mirror, but when I took a shower, I finally did.

I had two huge bruises on each side of my hips. They looked like hands. Clark's hands.

Another bruise was on my neck and that one would be the hardest to cover up.

Even my lips were bruised…

What had I done with my life?


	2. Chapter 2

**Part 2**

It'd been a week since my… encounter with Clark.

I was still shocked with my own behavior. Who was that girl who'd done such a terrible thing? Was it really me? Why? Why would I do something like that? Those thoughts were torturing me as I tried to understand my own behavior, but I couldn't. I didn't know who I was anymore. I didn't know why I was doing what I was doing.

Another perfect question was: Why would Clark act like that?

Clark was the one with control of steel. Clark was the self-sacrificing type. Clark was the one who would sooner be faithful to Lois all his life than I to Lex, even though I'd always believed I would never be able to do this to Lex!

I should be thankful that VA had worked for my bruises and now my skin was back to normal. I'd been so scared that Lex would see it… not that I expected him back anytime soon, but I still feared if that. He would think Clark had hurt me or taken me by force and I couldn't even comprehend telling him the truth if he asked. It was a good thing I could hide it.

Then, a couple of days later, I was completely surprised to open the door for… Lex.

"Lex?" I asked, really taken aback.

His presence wasn't the only issue though, there was also something else. He had… tears in his eyes like he'd just been crying. It was so unlike him.

"Lex, is everything alright? What happened?" I asked him, inwardly shivering as I thought he must've found out what I and Clark had done. There was really no other explanation. Still, there was one detail missing. Lex didn't seem to be disappointed or betrayed by me right now.

"Tess is dead," he just said and I couldn't believe my own ears.

I could just stand there with my hand on the doorknob, frozen.

"What?" I finally exhaled and moved aside, letting him in and then the door was closed behind him. "What do you mean Tess is dead?"

"She was murdered," he told me. His voice was strangely strained, his eyes full of pain and he seemed not to know where to look.

"How? When?" I sputtered, completely forgetting about my own problems for the moment.

"Last night… she was found with a dagger in her… in her guts…" Lex finished, his eyes looking at me, but he didn't seem to see me at all. "Emil just lost another woman. Another love of his life… and she was my sister!"

"Lex, I am so sorry," I said and came closer to him, putting my arms around his neck, hugging him and then felt his arms going around me and he started weeping.

There was definitely something different about him, but I still couldn't pinpoint what that was. Maybe the crying part as I hadn't seen Lex crying for more than a hundred years and crying like this… probably never.

Then I felt guilty, because he'd told me that Tess had been killed last night. Now it was night again, the second day and I didn't know. No one had called me. Maybe it was Clark's job, but for obvious reasons…

I just snuggled to Lex, trying to give him some comfort. I knew there was nothing I could do to make the pain go away though. He'd just lost his sister, the only family coming from Luthor's original bloodline. It was too much. It was like he'd just lost a part of himself.

He let go off me and walked over to the window.

"I found myself…" he started and stopped. "I… Jessica," he turned to me, taking a deep breath. "After what happened to Tess… I realized there was no one else I wanted to talk to and be with but you…. I need something… anything from you to say… just make me forget about this… pain."

I truly did not remembered him that shaken. It'd been so long. It didn't really fit him. It didn't fit the hard and cold man I knew and loved.

"Most people used to go through a crisis in their relationships much earlier, in their forties, when they started getting old, I guess," I said, using the opportunity to say this. Tess's death came as a shock to me and I didn't feel grief just yet, then again, I'd never be that close to her. "Now everything's changed. We're not getting any older, so we don't need to have affairs to feel attractive again…" I was glad my voice didn't break on the affair part. "So, what parted us, Lex?" I asked the perfect question. "I still find it hard to believe that you would just be jealous after so many years of being together. Did you get bored with me? Did _we _really get bored?"

"No, you know I love you and I always have, always will," he told me and came closer, cupping my face with his hands and looking me deep in the eye. "I was too proud, too angry… I was working all the time... You know that I decided to find a planet that could preserve our lives, that would look like the Earth."

"You have all the time you need for it," I noticed. "But your family is right here. Can't you see it?"

"I do now," he admitted in a raspy voice, his eyes still red, but tears had stopped flowing. "I just… I need to forget now… I can't think of… she's no longer here… how can I stand it?" He was speaking about Tess again.

Maybe by losing her he finally understood why I needed to go back for Oliver? But wouldn't he want to go back too? For his sister? Only all the rings were already gone. Was he mad at Clark? Had they fought? Had Clark told him… no, Clark wouldn't do that. No matter how angry Lex would make him feel or how guilty.

"I'm here for you," I assured him, because there was really nothing else I could do.

Then Lex kissed me and I could feel something different in this kiss as well. It was more gentle, more soft, more loving. He'd used to kiss me more roughly, with more passion. Now he was kissing me like he was cherishing me, like I was a delicate flower.

We got into the bedroom and I was struck by his attentiveness. It was like all he wanted was to please me, not himself. I meant, he'd showed me before how much he loved me through sex, but this time… This time it was different in ways I couldn't even tell. Weird… Or maybe being with Clark destroyed me somehow, made me aware of all the slight nuances I hadn't been before?

And now I was thinking about Clark when lying naked under naked Lex who was trying very hard to please me. I felt him entering me, starting making love to me and my mind just wasn't in it. I was too distracted, I felt too guilty.

I remembered Clark. His perfect chiseled body, his strong arms, the passion, his grunts and groans… his…

I closed my eyes shut, trying to force him out of my head, but the guilt wouldn't let me.

It'd felt good, it'd felt right while it lasted, but then it hadn't anymore. It was wrong and I knew it.

Why couldn't I forget then? Probably because I felt so guilty… How could I do this to Lex?! I was slowly panicking.

"Baby, come for me," Lex asked me, kissing me, slowly pushing into me and rubbing my clit with his fingers, an indication that he was getting impatient, that he wouldn't hold on for very long. I shouldn't be surprised. More than four months of celibacy was too much for him.

I was horrified when I realized that I couldn't actually come. I was too stressed.

Finally, Lex couldn't hold himself anymore and he let go with a moan, then he got off me quickly and rolled to the other side of the bed, lying on his back and staring at the ceiling.

My horrification did not pass. I was just lying there, next to him, but somehow detached from him. Terrified of what had just happened. I realized it was the very first time he hadn't managed to make me come at least once.

"What's wrong?" he finally asked, his voice strained again.

"I don't know," I heard my own voice, so quiet it was whispery and squeaky. "I'm sorry. I just feel… so numb. And I know you need comfort right now. You need to take your mind off Tess, but I just… I'm sorry." I was on the verge of crying. I was ashamed. I sat on the edge of the bed and reached for my bathrobe, put it on and stood up. I couldn't stay in that bed. I couldn't look at the wall next to me either as it was the memorable wall. Instead, I paced to the other side of the room.

"I know our problems won't just get fixed on the spot," Lex said, "but we need to deal with them eventually, Jessica. Now is as good time as ever." There was this pain in his voice again and I felt double guilt as I thought I must've contributed to it by not loving him enough just a moment before when we'd been having sex.

"Jessica, god damn it! I'm really trying here!" he got angry. "Talk to me!"

I turned to look at him. He was still lying in bed.

"You want me to talk to you?!" I asked with my defensive mechanism switched on. "Alright, tell me if you would've come back to me if Tess hadn't been dead? Would you? Or would you've just kept your distance for longer?"

"Jessica…"

"No, I'm serious!" I yelled at him. "You came running back into my arms, then straight into my bed, because you needed my comfort! What about last night when she died?! What did you need then?! Why did you come _now_, Lex?! Did you fuck somebody when we were separated?!"

He looked angry and hurt in the same time.

"No!" he answered, also raising his voice, "I wouldn't be able to! Jessica, we've been together for so long that… touching someone else… making love to someone else… it's just repulsive to me. I am yours and I can't be with anyone else. It would feel wrong after so many years," he said when sitting on the bed.

For an inexplicable to him reason, I burst out crying.

Those words that were so honest and coming straight from his heart… it was just too much for me. I broke. I couldn't listen to him and remember what I'd done!

"Have you fuck Oliver?" he suddenly asked.

"How can you even ask me that?" I answered back. I needed to salvage what was left from our relationship and I'd already promised Clark that I would never tell. Good that Lex had asked about Oliver, this one at least wouldn't be a lie. "I love _you_, Lex. I've always have. I wouldn't be able to…" my voice broke. Another lie. It was better not to say anything at all. "I'm so sorry, Lex," I just ended up apologizing to him for thing he had no idea of.

"What are you talking about?" He was confused and he stood up, coming to me while still being completely naked. "You've been with Queen, haven't you?!" he accused me in a harsh voice. "Does he need to break Chloe's heart now?!"

"God, damn it, Lex! I told you, I haven't!" I screamed back at him. "It's just… I did the time when you were dead and I never really apologized for that. It was so long ago and I feel guilty… " God, I was lying and rambling out of my ass. "I feel so guilty about being with them… It was wrong and I am so, so sorry." I could tell him at least that much. I could apologize at least for that when in fact, I was apologizing for a completely different thing. "I never really thought it would matter… how could I know you'd be back?" I was sobbing frantically by now.

"It's ok. I'm sorry," he told me and pulled me into his arms. My tears were wetting his bare skin now. "It wasn't your fault. I was dead," he whispered into my ear when stroking my back.

"Yes," I admitted, snuggling into his chest.

"I understand why you did it back then. You just wanted to forget. Just like I'm trying with Tess right now." I started shaking underneath his touch.

"I don't love Oliver," I told him one more time to put his mind to rest. "I feel for him like I feel for…"

"…Clark," Lex finished and I shivered even more. God, help me. "I promise I will be better from now on," Lex said, not noticing anything out of character in my behavior. "They're like brothers to you, just like Tess was…" he stopped for a moment. "I won't doubt you again," he promised.

_Brothers I slept with, _I thought, but didn't say it out loud.

"I'm so tired," I thought and then I realized I spoke it out loud. "So tired of living, of fighting," I found myself confessing.

Lex's hold on me only tightened, but it didn't make me feel any better.

I was still numb. I was numb even when he was close and it confused me.

What the fuck was happening to me?!

* * *

I guessed I couldn't call my state any other words than depression. Hundred plus years and still, I hadn't forgotten this terrible feeling. I'd been in depression when Lex had been gone. Now he was here and I… I was just so tired. I'd told him the truth. I was tired of living, of going on, of fighting. Were people really meant to live forever? I started wondering. What if at some point, no matter how many things there were to do, no matter how much people were still about to see and experience… what if one lifetime should be enough? What if we went against nature while giving the Earth more than that?

It was too late to change it anyway. We couldn't rule with oppression, that would lead to a war and war was almost a foreign word in this world now. People were happy about the living forever part, at least most of them. Even the criminals and killers as their numbers seemed to be dwindling into almost nothing. If they could live forever in peace, wasn't that better than killing and risking being killed themselves? People had used to be scared of what was beyond life, after death, and now that fear was only bigger. It was paradoxical really, but it was happening.

I eventually came back to the mansion. I did it for Lex and for our children. We all were mourning Tess's death and I needed to be there for them. My personal feelings at the moment didn't matter. I needed to be strong for someone else.

We fell back into the routine with Lex making love to me almost every night. I did come a few times, but not as powerfully as I would like to. At least then I didn't have to fake. And I'd learnt how to fake. What had once seemed appalling to me, now I started doing. I couldn't hurt my husband anymore than I already had. What other choice did I have anyway?

The worst thing was that we still had no idea who killed Tess. There was a body found. A cause of death. A funeral. There was grief. But we hand no idea who the killer was. And it was killing us all. I saw Clark briefly in the mansion, talking about that to Lex, but he did not look at me even once. Everyone else just assumed he was still mad at me for Oliver, but we both knew the real reason. How long would that go on? I was wondering, but deep down inside I felt like I'd already lost my best friend.

I was really good at losing recently. I'd lost my family, I'd got it back, but it wasn't the same. I'd lost my best friend. I'd lost something inside me that was always attracted to Lex.

Maybe I'd lost him too.

I really was going crazy.

* * *

Another week passed by and I was tired of my routine, of my tedious life, of serving my family when not really taking any pleasure in it and I just stayed in bed one day and cried.

I knew I was being pathetic, but I did it anyway. I felt like I needed to die someday, like I couldn't handle the eternal life anymore. For how long can a person really go on? When this would end? I was so sick of my life! The person I'd been ten years ago would have difficulties believing that this was me now. Ten years ago I'd been so happy. I'd been thankful for every single day spent with Lex.

Now I was sick of everything.

Maybe with time everybody would feel this way? Maybe I should just tell my family that VA was a mistake?

Still, I knew I couldn't, because it was every person's right to decide about themselves and I couldn't take it away. It gave eternal life, but it was also healing. How much suffer the VA had already taken away? It was all thanks to Clark and even one more burden to carry would cause him to break, I knew it. I couldn't tell him I hated his "gift" at the moment more than anything else.

The truth was that I hated it because if there was no VA, I would spend my whole life madly in love and then I would just die when still being in love. Now I didn't even know if I loved Lex, what was killing me because I knew myself. Those thoughts would have never passed my mind before. Now they were.

"How are you feeling?" I heard his voice coming from the door. His carrying voice. I knew my depression was killing him and it just gave me another reason to feel guilty.

He walked over to the bed and sat on the edge of it.

"Jessica, what do you want? What should I do to make you feel better?" he asked, his voice slowly growing helpless and desperate.

"That's the thing," I started with my face still buried in the pillow. "You can't."

I felt his hand stroking my arm and he sighed heavily.

"You know it pains me to see you like this and not be able to help you."

"I know… Lex," I suddenly said and sat up, facing him. "What is the point in all of this? We will live forever and… nothing will ever change. I just… I just feel like this is not what I'm supposed to be doing." I raised my head, circling everything. "Like it's still not my purpose."

"We're a team, aren't we?" he asked. "We've always been a team and we can deal with it together. I love you, Jessica, that hasn't changed."

"I know. I just… I don't know what I want," I kept on whining and I hated that too.

"There's someone here that wants to see you. A friend," Lex told me.

Suddenly, panic hit me. What if that was Clark? I couldn't look him in the eye and just talk to him now. I felt too ashamed. Too… dirty. Talking to Lois would be even worse. Maybe it could be Ollie? With Ollie I could spend some time, I realized, but then I realized Lex wouldn't talk about him the way he'd just done.

Imra walked into the room, passed Lex in the door and then closed it when he left.

"Do you have any idea about what you're doing to your family?!" she snapped at me.

"Why are you so mad at me?" I asked, completely dumbfounded.

"Well, somebody has to get through to you!" She sat in a chair next to the window. "Your husband has just lost his sister and your children lost their aunt! They've all known and loved each other for hundred years! Do you even realize how hard is it for them now to say goodbye?!"

"Imra… I…" I started, but then she cut in again.

"Your children are worried that you and Lex are splitting up!"

"Well… that's not entirely…"

"So what that their mother came home when she spends all her days in bed! Sulking!"

"I…"

"Jessica, just tell me what is it. We can figure it out together. Anything will be better than this." She pointed the bed.

Only I couldn't tell her. How could I burden her with my problems? How could I tell the future wife of my son that I'd cheated on his father? Her loyalty should always be to Alex, not to me.

"I don't know…" I just whispered. "I just… I don't know what's wrong with me!"

Imra's expression softened and she got to bed with me, then she hugged me.

"I may be marrying your son, but I am still your friend, not a daughter in law," she told me. "I want to help. I'm here for you. No matter what."

"Thank you," I just said. I still had my best friend, I realized, but I lost the other one, the oldest friend, the most precious one. I lost Clark forever and that hurt even more than hiding what I'd done from Lex. On the other side, it was Clark who'd made a move on me… but I hadn't stopped him! It was all so fucked up!

"We'll get through this together, Jess," Imra was saying. "I don't know how you've survived those hundred years without me as your friend, but now I'll make it all up to you and I will do anything to help you."

I laughed. That was good. Somebody had just made me laugh. It was an emotion, after all.

"I saw you and Lex in the past and you were so in love and so happy that you were going to have a baby, Jess," Imra went on. "I need to show you that you still can come back to that."

"First, I need to feel something else than… than nothing," I confessed.

"Alright. We'll do."

* * *

Imra was trying hard, I needed to give her credits for that.

She took me to a SPA for a day and then we were shopping for the next two. We had a couple of movie nights, watching the newest best shows, although I wasn't really into them as now they were making movies and shows about the whole universe, so all the aliens and humans were working together and it all was like science fiction, which I never really liked. I'd managed to dig up some old shows and movies and those I enjoyed immensely. I also got Imra hooked on them and needed to promise to give her everything worth watching.

In the end of the week I still felt numb when I thought of my family and that terrified me, but I decided to ignore it. I didn't want to keep spending all my days in bed, sulking as Imra had called it and doing nothing. I needed to start living and maybe those feelings would just come back on their own eventually.

I went out with Lex. We were to a party and then ate dinner, I drunk a little too much and we ended up in bed after coming home. Maybe it still wasn't the best time I'd had with him, but it was a step up. Besides, he was trying so hard. He'd never been so soft and caring before. _Never._

_ Maybe that should tell me something…_

* * *

The next day I received a chocolate box and even though it wasn't signed, I thought Lex sent it. It wasn't really his style, but I thought that maybe he decided to surprise me with something new.

I put the box on the table and then forgot about it as I didn't feel like eating chocolate at the moment. Ok, I knew there was something seriously wrong with that, but… well, I was getting better, wasn't I? It was all about baby steps.

"Hey, honey, how was your day?" Lex came back from work. Now he had to work twice as much, because his partner, Tess, was gone.

That reminded me of someone.

"Lex…" I started and stopped.

"Yes?" He turned to me, interested in what I was about to say.

"Have you… Have you seen Emil recently?" I asked. I was being careful, because I knew Tess was still a delicate topic for Lex. It even surprised me that he was so calm and so soft when he knew that the person who'd killed his only sister was still out there. The Lex I used to know would be mad, even if good, he would be mad and he would be able to kill.

"Yes… he's a wreck, but he's still standing, so that's a good thing," he answered.

Then he walked over to the table and grabbed a chocolate.

"Nice of you to eat your own present for me," I teased him and laughed. Maybe that was his aim, after all, to just make me laugh.

I quickly discovered that it wasn't.

"I didn't buy you this," he said as he swallowed.

Lex Luthor eating chocolate to feel himself better was weird enough, I thought when being pretty confused.

"Then who did?"

"I don't…" he suddenly stopped as he put his hands to his throat.

"Lex?!" I yelled, terrified. "Lex, what is it?!"

He staggered and I managed to get to him as he fell to the floor. His head landed on my laps.

I knew that an ambulance, even if they were all airborne now, would never get here on time, so I did the only thing I could. Not that I liked it. I screamed, "SUPERMAN!"


	3. Chapter 3

**Part 3**

I didn't have to wait for long. Clark came almost immediately, although I could see his strained expression as he got into the study.

"What happened?" he just asked, his voice professional like he was asking a stranger on the street why they'd called him.

"I… I don't know…" I stammered over the words. "One moment he was talking to me and eating… these chocolates!" I pointed the table. "And the next he was clenching his throat and passing out!"

"I'll take him to a hospital. You can get there on your own. Take the box with you," Clark told me without looking me in the eye even once. He just took Lex and they were both gone.

I didn't change my position right away, too overwhelmed by everything that had just happened. Seeing Lex collapsing, seeing Clark again and realizing… that my friend was gone forever. He didn't even want to look at me.

Still, it was his fucking fault! He was the one to make a move on me! He 'd been the one looking for consolation!

I could blame him all I wanted, but I knew him all too well not to understand his actions now.

I remembered I should be on my way to the hospital, so I grabbed my bag and the chocolate box and ran out of the study to one of the Luthor's shuttles.

On my way I called Alex and Lily.

* * *

When I got to the hospital they were already taking care of Lex. I shouldn't expect anything less because Clark was fast. I couldn't hold it against him that he didn't want to go back for me. That would involve closeness, touching, talking. We would both feel too awkward.

I quickly got to the right room and pushed the door open.

"Why is he still unconscious?!" I got worried when I saw Lex lying in a bed.

Clark was in the room and he still refused to look at me. When he finally opened his mouth to give me an update, the door opened and I saw Emil.

A cold shiver ran down my back when I looked at him from up close. He wasn't the same man. He seemed to shrink, he had dark circles under his eyes and was disheveled. That was what losing love did to a person, I thought. I must've looked like that once when Lex had died, another thought followed.

"The VA doesn't seem to work," Emil informed me, looking even more worried now. "And I can't understand why."

"Would my blood help? I mean, I could give him a direct transfusion," Clark proposed.

"No, it wouldn't make any difference…" Emil answered, his voice trailing off as he was still thinking hard. "Clark told me Lex ate some chocolates before this happened?" He turned to me.

"Yes, here it is." I handed him over the box. "I got this earlier today. I thought it was from Lex, but he denied ever sending me this."

"Interesting… I'll run some tests on it and hopefully, we'll see what kind of a poison affected him. I's definitely nothing from this Earth since it would be cured by VA immediately."

"So you're saying that someone wanted to kill him?" I made sure.

"Not him, you." I was struck by Clark's answer, but still, he did not look at me.

Then he just left the room.

"Why…" I started, my mouth opening widely in shock. "Why would someone want to kill me?" I asked the perfect question.

"Someone wants to kill you, mom?!" It was Lily who just came into the room, Alex following.

"Apparently," I told them.

"Imra, Connor and Oliver are outside," Alex informed me.

"Oliver?" I frowned. "Why would he come?"

"He's just being friendly. He wanted to check on you," Lily explained.

"Really?" I asked, still surprised.

I was just wondering if I should stay with Lex or go outside to give my friends and family an update when I heard someone yelling.

"What the hell?" Lilly was annoyed. "This is a hospital, people should have more respect." And she was gone.

I and Alex followed her just to see a skinny woman with hair so blond (or white for that matter) it must be fake.

"Excuse me, m'am, you will have to calm down." A nurse just came over to her and put a hand on her shoulder.

"Calm down?! He's dying!" the woman screamed and pushed the nurse aside, then her eyes met mine. "You!" She pointed me with her manicured fingers that ended with long fake nails. "You did this!"

"I'm sorry, what?" I asked her, frowning, completely dumbfounded.

"I love him! I would never hurt him! I just wanted to get rid of you!" She threw herself at me and Oliver caught her just in time.

"Hey, lady, calm down," he told her while struggling with her because she still wanted to get to me.

"Did you send me those chocolates?" I asked, feeling like I was losing my ground. "Who are you?"

"Eve Tessmacher! All we want with Lex is to be together and you're standing in our way!"

"What?!" I raised my voice in an even bigger shock.

"We're in love, but he's trapped in the marriage with you!" She pointed me again. The tone of her voice indicated that she thought of me as someone beneath her.

"No," I said. "No! Lex would never…"

"Oh, he did! He did!" she assured me, nearly spitting.

"Ok, that's enough, lady, you're going to prison and you will stand a trial for a murder attempt. And better pray it is an attempt!" The guards were here by now and Oliver handed them Eve so they could handcuff her.

"You heard it all?" he made sure and they nodded in response. "Good. Now I need to find Emil and tell him that it was, indeed, a poison."

I could just stand there, still processing Eve Tessmacher's words.

"Mom, it's alright. You know dad would never cheat on you," Lily told me, placing her hand on my shoulder.

"Of course he wouldn't!" Alex backed her up. "Especially with such a fake skunk. Dad has much better taste in women."

Only I still had troubles believing that.

"Then why would she say it?" I asked.

"She's probably delusional," Imra told me while looking at me.

"She works in JeXCorp," Lily informed. "I saw her there.

"Yeah, so she's crushing on the boss," Imra added. "She's a crazy lunatic who wanted you out of the way, so she could hit on Lex, but we all know it would never happen."

Just like I would never cheat on my husband? I thought bitterly. If I did it, then Lex could do it too. I wouldn't even blame him as I hadn't been the best partner recently. But Eve Tessmacher? Really? My kids and Imra were right. She didn't seem Lex's type at all.

"It's taken care of," Oliver informed when coming back. "Eve's in custody and will stand a trial."

"What about the cure for Lex?" I asked.

"Emil's working on it. Eve must've bought an alien poison on the black market in the Internet, but he'll figure it out. He already asked for help the Universal Treating Association. They'll come up with an answer in no time."

"Good," I said. "Thank you."

"No problem."

"Have you seen Clark?" I asked.

"Yeah… well… he said he had something to do and flew."

"Oh."

"Jess, is everything alright between you two?" Oliver suddenly asked when my kids and Imra were gone. "Is this my fault?"

"Oh, no, Ollie, it's not," I assured him. "It's mine. I let Clark down."

"Clark shouldn't be so blinded. He should understand your reasons. I don't understand…" he start again, but I interrupted him.

"Just let it go, ok?"

* * *

Emil came back pretty fast.

"Have you figure it out?" I asked him.

"Yes. I will inject Lex with a counter poison and he should be fine. Then we'll wait a day and give him the VA."

"Thank you, Emil, I really appreciate your help," I told him while putting my hand on his shoulder. "Are you alright? Is there something I can do for you?" I asked, because the sight of him was really hurting me. No one should suffer like this nowadays.

"No, but thank you for asking. I just… I just needed to do everything that was in my power to save him, Jessica. It's what Tess would've wanted. There's enough of death around us."

I just nodded because tears started welling up in my eyes and I couldn't say anything else.

* * *

Lex was discharged early the next day and he could come back home. He looked like always, healthy and young.

"Are you sure you're ok?" I asked him once again.

"Yes, Jessica, I am fine! Stop worrying."

"It's just… I thought I was going to lose you," I told him.

"You will never lose me, don't worry," he assured me while taking my hand when we were sitting on a sofa in the study.

I started wondering about something and wasn't sure if I even wanted to ask him that.

"What is it?" He was the one to prompt me. "I can tell something's bothering you."

"It's just… It's just something Eve said."

"Jessica, that woman is delusional," he told me, "she practically threw herself at me at work the other day."

"Did she succeed?" I suddenly asked.

"What?!" He looked at me, nearly outraged that I could even ask.

"I'm serious, Lex. Just answer the question. Was there a point you felt… lonely… or unsatisfied?"

"With you? You've got to be kidding me!"

"No, I'm not. I know I've been a lousy wife those last few months."

"First of all, you weren't so bad and second of all, it wouldn't be an excuse to be with another woman. I've already told you I wouldn't be able to."

"She seemed to be so sure of herself… that you two were… in love."

Now I made Lex laugh.

"No, I never was nor I will be in love with Eve Tessmacher. Ever. She's a crazy, fake doll."

"Well, I was surprised myself when I saw her. Not your type, really."

"You see? She was lying."

I plastered a smile to my face and hopefully, he didn't notice how fake it really was.

"I'll be in the shower," he told me and kissed me. "Don't make me wait for you."

I was left alone in the study, staring blindly into the distance. I didn't feel like joining Lex right now, although eventually I would have to.

"Mrs. Luthor?" a servant walked inside. "This was just delivered for you." He handed me an envelope.

"Thank you." I took it and opened when the servant was gone.

It was a small and slick USB drive. Somebody wrote on it the word "truth".

I was curious, so I grabbed a tablet from the table and plugged it in.

"Oh, yes! Oh, yeah… I love you so much! YES!" I was struck by what I heard, but then…

What I saw was even worse.

It was Lex.

Lex with Eve Tessmacher. Both naked. In bed.

And he was fucking her mercilessly.

I turned the video off, then I sat there for a moment in a total shock.

I wanted to feel something? I should be careful what I wished for, because now I felt. _Betrayed._ How could he betray our love like this?

How could _I? _Passed my mind.

Was it my karma? I'd let my guards down and had sex with Clark and now I had to pay the price? Could it work this way?

But Eve had told me that she and Lex were in love. Was that even possible? Could Lex really go for somebody like Eve Tessmacher? If he did, why wasn't he concerned that she was in jail now? Why wasn't he saving her? Why had he looked so genuine when he'd laughed off the fact that I'd even thought he could be in love with her? That he could cheat on me?

Nothing made sense anymore.

_Nothing._

I couldn't face him. Couldn't confront him. Not now. Not ever. Not when he was naked in the shower. No.

Suddenly, I felt so lonely. So hurt. I didn't have Clark to talk to and he was the first person that came to my mind. Then I decided I needed to get out of this house first, so I grabbed my bag and ran to the hall.

When I took my keys and opened the front door, I almost screamed, because Lex was standing on the threshold, dressed up in his suit.

What was he doing here? I thought he was taking a shower!

"Hello, wife," he said with such smugness and cockiness that I had difficulties with recognizing him.

"Lex?" I asked in confusion. "What… What are you…?"

"I gather you have received your gift," he continued and walked inside, forcing me to move backwards.

There was something different about him. This wasn't the Lex I'd known for the last hundred years, this one was… somehow a stranger to me. Only it was Lex. Every single detail of his physics could tell me that as I knew it all too well.

"Why?" I just asked, doing my best not to cry, to keep my blood cold.

"I've always been this way," he told me while spreading his arms, "and I think I did a great job in fooling you all those years."

"What are you talking about?!" _All those years? _Did he mean since…

"Hundred plus years and you never saw it coming, did you?" he asked with a smirk.

That didn't make any sense! I thought. No one could play their part that good for so long and even if, why? To what purpose?

"I'm back to make everyone suffer now," he said so casually like he was telling me what he'd had for dinner tonight. "I'm so tired of being the good Lex, the Lex everyone wants me to be. Guess what, Jessica, it is not me. You created a fantasy. You wanted to make me a better person, but it never felt right, you know? It's just not me."

"No… that can't be true…" I almost stammered, my voice getting squeaky.

"Oh, yes, it is. Does it hurt? Knowing that you loved a person that didn't even exist? Knowing that you shared bed with me all those years? Gave me children?"

"No… stop it! I won't believe it!" There had to be a better explanation, I knew it!

"I am back and I am immortal. It paid off, you know? Pretending to be good, to be Clark's friend. Look what I've managed to accomplish! Eternal life! How much my father would be proud of me!"

"You killed him."

"Oh, sure I did. Our egos were too much for one planet. I can conquer the world now. That's something I've always wanted. And after this one, there are others."

"You're just one man against the whole universe. I highly doubt you'll ever conquer it," I said, putting myself together. I couldn't be weak. Oh, no. After my dead body would I!

That reminded me of something.

"Oh, god…" My hands wandered up to my face and covered my mouth. "You killed your sister, didn't you?"

"Oh, yes, of course, I did. I had to. She was a Luthor."

"So that's your genial plan? To be the only Luthor left? You'll kill your children too?"

"No if they obey me."

"Who are you?" I just asked, gasping. His eyes were so familiar to me, yet so strange. There were cold like steel. More blue than gray now, like ice.

"I'm whom I always supposed to be."

"What about me?"

"Well… I guess I would have to make up my mind, wouldn't I? Shall I just…"

I didn't let him finish this sentence. Instead, I started screaming.

A red blur passed by me and took me.

* * *

I landed in Watchtower and I felt Clark's arms releasing me from his grip, then he backed out almost immediately, distancing himself from me.

"What happened?" he asked. "Why were you screaming? You were there with Lex," he noticed.

I looked around. There was no Chloe, but I could notice Oliver and Lois looking at me strangely.

"Something terrible happened and… and I don't even know how to…" I started shivering.

"Hey, hey," Oliver got to me before I collapsed to the floor and he brought me to the couch.

Lois handed me a glass of water.

I gulped it down and took a deep breath.

"I have no idea how it happened, but… Lex is the one who killed Tess," I finally informed them.

There was silence.

"How is that possible?" Clark finally asked.

"First, Lois, you need to revoke Lex's pass to this place. He cannot get into Watchtower."

"Fine, whatever you ask," Lois agreed without questions and hurried to the computers. She must've known I wouldn't make something like that up. If I told her that Lex was dangerous, he was, it wasn't a game.

"Jess, tell us all from the beginning," Oliver encouraged and sat by my side. "It's ok. You're save now. He won't get in here."

"It started… I don't even know when exactly… There was something wrong with Lex… since the moment he came back to me after Tess's death or… maybe even before that," I said, realizing that my own feelings for him had started changing and that led me to having sex with Clark. That led me to depression. I had _felt _the change in Lex. "We're having problems in our relationship. We've had them since I… saved you, Ollie… but then I thought I was the problem. When Lex came back to me after Tess's death, he was somehow gentler, softer, more loving… like it wasn't quite the same man. Still, my feelings changed. I couldn't feel for him like I used to and… then there was this accident and Eve. Lex swore he would never fall for that woman, but then he went to take a shower and I received a video. It was… a sex tape… showing him and Eve." I started crying at this point and Oliver rubbed my shoulder.

"I wanted to get out, to get here and then think about it, but Lex suddenly was in the front door and he was… somehow different again. Evil, like the Lex who killed his father, like that evil madman. He told me he killed Tess. He told me… he told me he was fooling me all those years and he was always evil. That all he wants now it to live eternally and dominate the universe. I know it's crazy. He doesn't have that much power, but…"

"Well, if he's been doing some secret projects in JeXCorp all those years, maybe it is possible," Clark cut in,

"Oh, my god… you think he's been working on something for hundred years? To bring you down? Maybe he stashed some kryptonite, but…" I started panicking.

"Maybe Tess fond out and that's why he killed her," Oliver suggested. "Shit, this is a mess."

"I know… and it's all my fault…" I shivered. By this time I felt like a ghost. I was just numb, those past few months ridding me of all my feelings and emotions like I was dead. I couldn't even understand why I spoke of the one man I'd always loved that way. I spoke of him like I didn't love him anymore and it was killing me.

"No, Jess, it is not your fault," Oliver assured me. "He fooled us all."

"But I _know_ him! How a person can be fooling someone for so long? It's just… it's impossible! I knew he was genuine! Everything he did in the past was genuine! I mean… kids can feel deception, can't they? And our kids loved him! Adored him!" I was shaking and crying and Oliver took me into his arms, trying to calm me down.

Lois was just standing next to Clark, speechless. Maybe she imagined what it would be like to be in my place, to have her Clark betray her like that.

Only he had already done that. God, it was really all a mess!

"We need to call everyone in. They're not safe out there!" Clark finally reached a decision.

* * *

"Locians said something…" I remembered when most of our family was already in Watchtower, being filled in of what had happened. "They said that something was coming and no one would notice it. Could they be talking about this? Maybe they did something to Lex? Maybe he isn't himself?" I suggested with feeble hope.

"I can't believe… no, dad is not evil!" Lily yelled. She was sitting on a couch now and Alex was by her side, trying to calm her down. I could see him slowly breaking too, though. Children should never be witnesses to their parent doing some dreadful things, I thought with pain in my heart. I just couldn't watch it.

"There's a possibility, but we can't know for sure," Lois said while taking reign over the computers. "Where the hell is Chloe?!" she growled. "She's the best with those stuff!"

Little Lara started crying and Lois sighed heavily, then got to her daughter.

"I'll check it up," Clark suggested and was about to leave when Oliver voiced that he would like to go too.

"Chloe and Connor are the only ones still missing, Ollie, and I don't have two pair of hands to take you too," Clark opposed.

"Alright, just… Clark, bring them back safely."

"I always do what's in my power, don't worry."

* * *

"Why is it taking so long?" Oliver was worried, pacing around the Watchtower.

"They'll be fine," I tried to calm him down. "If we can trust anyone, it's Clark."

"I know, but…"

The door opened in that very moment and Clark walked in. Alone.

"Clark?" Oliver asked. Not understanding the situation. "Didn't you find them?"

Clark did not answer.

Maybe others did not see that just yet, but I did. I knew Clark. He was slightly shaking, his face looked like there was nothing there, but I could see deeper, into his eyes and they showed me… grief.

"No!" Lois was the one to scream. "NO! Don't tell me she's…"

Clark just looked at her with his empty eyes.

"Oliver, Lois… I'm so…" he started, his voice breaking.

"NO!" Lois growled and her baby girl started crying again. "Chloe must be alright!"

"Lex got to them first," Clark finally said, barely holding on.

All I wanted to do now was to get to him and hold him tight in my arms, let him cry, let him grief, but I couldn't. I lost the right to do so. Besides, Lois was here, so it was her job.

"_Them_?" Oliver repeated, his knuckles white, because he fisted his hands so hard. "Clark, tell me that…"

"I'm sorry," Clark said, his voice trembling. "I found them… Lex must've gotten to them first. It looked like… like he wanted to get Chloe, but Connor protected her and… he killed them both," he finally spoke the terrible truth out loud.

"NO!" Lois shouted again. "No, not this!"

Oliver did not make a sound, he was just standing there, shaking, breaking right in front of me. He had not only just lost his wife, he had also lost his son today. I couldn't even imagine the pain of losing a child.

"No!" that was Lily, standing on her feet right next to me now. "NO! Dad couldn't… I LOVED HIM!" The last sentence clearly indicated Connor.

" I know, baby," I finally spoke, turning to her and hugging her as she was weeping. "I know… and I loved your dad, but now… I don't know what I feel anymore. I just…" I didn't finish. I let her cry in my arms, but then she pushed me away and ran to the other room. Alex and Imra followed her.

"He will pay! Lex Luthor will finally pay for _everything_ he's ever done!" Oliver roared with rage whitening his face. "He'll pay for all the victims! He'll pay for killing his father, his sister and now my family! I knew he hated me, but this… this is just… and he broke you and your kids!" Oliver turned to me with eyes red from tears, but he still tried to hold on and not to cry.

"Oliver… Ollie…" I whispered to him when coming closer.

"He'll pay!" Oliver just repeated in desperation.

Lara was still crying and Lois was sobbing in Clark's arms.

I got to Ollie and hugged him tight. After all, it was all I could do for him now. He clang to me and finally, he cried too. I could also feel him shaking.

I was so afraid of tomorrow. So afraid of what Oliver might do now and what that would do to his soul.

I stopped being scared for Lex's life, I realized. What he'd done was unforgivable and I felt so cheated I could only hate him.


	4. Chapter 4

**Part 4**

_There was blood… So much blood flowing everywhere… an ocean of blood… _

_ And then I saw Lex's face. _

_ He was laughing._

I opened my eyes widely and released a breath of relief when I realized it was all just a dream.

Only a few seconds later I remembered that maybe not entirely.

Tess. Chloe. Connor.

They were all dead. Killed by the man I loved. Killed by Lex.

I just woke up and I was warm, but even though, I felt cold inside. Cold in my heart.

I sat on the bed and drunk all the water from the glass I kept aside and then hid my face in my hands. How should I go on now? How?! I'd thought the biggest problem I'd had was how my feelings had changed, how I couldn't be happy with Lex anymore. Now I had the answer. Maybe I subconsciously felt like he wasn't the same person anymore?

Only he'd told me he was. He'd always been the same, he'd just kept it hidden.

There was a silent rapping on the door and Lily stuck her head into my room.

"Mom, are you awake?"

"Yes, sweetheart," I told her and sent her a feeble smile, trying to be strong for her. "How are you feeling?"

"Probably no better than you are," she said sadly and walked over to the bed, then got under the covers with me.

She'd been living in this world almost as long as I had, but now, she was my little girl again. She needed her mother, she needed consolation.

"I know now what you felt when… when dad died… you know, before I came to this world," she suddenly spoke.

Lex had been killed by Oliver back then, I noticed even more similarities. Now, Connor was killed by Lex, but he would never come back, nor Chloe or Tess.

"I'm so sorry, Lil, that you have to go through all of this. I'm sorry that I married your father, that I had children with him…" I said even though something inside of my started screaming as those words escaped my lips. Did I really regret it? Was I sorry? After all, I'd been so in love for such a long time.

"It's ok, mum, if anyone can understand love, it's me," Lily confessed. "And I was so in love with him…" She started sobbing and I put my arms around her, trying to comfort her. "You couldn't have known it would end like this," she added.

"Still, I keep wondering what I overlooked."

"Mom, please, he managed to fool everyone, including uncle Clark. You shouldn't blame yourself."

"It breaks my heart anyway," I told her, "and I can't deal with it or let it go."

How devastating it was to watch my husband, the supposed love of my life, becoming the murderer of our daughter's love? It was despicable. It shouldn't have happened. It was… pure evil.

Just because he was Oliver's son.

"Oliver," I said out loud, suddenly realizing why Lex killed Chloe.

She might've discovered some secret project of his, but still… maybe Lex just wanted to inflict pain on Oliver before he would come for him. Death was the easy way out, it was the hardest for the ones that were still living.

I grabbed my phone and dialed Ollie's number.

"Oliver, where are you?" I asked urgently.

"In Watchtower. I was just about to call you. There's a new development in the case." His voice was cold, detached. I could imagine that it was the only way for him to survive now. He had a purpose and that was revenge through destroying Lex. Then there would come time for grief.

And this time I couldn't really blame him for wanting Lex to pay for what he'd done. Hell, I wanted him to pay too!

That was how my fairy tale ended and for the first time in my life, I started doubting that Lex was the love of my life. What was happening to me? I wondered. On the one hand, I thought this way, but on the other, everything inside of me was screaming at me not to. Like it dulled and suppressed, but it was still there. I was too confused.

"You know Lex could do that all to strike _you_, Ollie," I said. "You need to stay in Watchtower. That's the only place he won't get in."

"What about you? I'm still worried he'll find you there."

"In one of the Justice League's special quarters?" I asked him. "Oliver, this is the safest place beyond Watchtower."

"I'm just worried that he might go past every barrier."

"He won't come for me. Not yet. I think you're his target."

"Come here, will you? I'll tell Bart to get you here ASAP, ok?"

"Sure."

* * *

When we finally got there, Clark, Lois, Oliver and Emil were already waiting for us. Clark still avoided me, but in the face of the tragedy we were able to talk to each other. Of course, only when it was necessary and was about Lex and his misdeeds.

"Emil, I'm surprised to see you here. How are you?" I asked.

"How are _you?" _he turned to me. "Alright?"

"What do you think?" I just answered with a retorical question.

"Right, then I won't ask about Lily."

"Emil's here because Tess…" Oliver started, not sure if he should speak of her in Emil's presence, but it looked like he had no choice. "Tess taught Emil a few tricks during their relationship. We all have some precautions in case something happens to one of us," he explained.

That was true, we had them, but it was strictly theoretical, because we never really suspected they would come in handy.

"I can access JeXCorp files and be invisible," Emil said.

"Really?" It picked my interest. "That would be very useful, Emil. I would do it myself, but… well, we never had any secrets with Lex… until now I guess," I stopped. Why did I have an emergency way to get into the system undetected? I hadn't been smart enough. Tess had as it seemed.

"Don't blame yourself, Jess," Lois just said, clearly understanding what I was thinking. "Actually, you should stop blaming yourself altogether. It wasn't your fault. You can't keep telling yourself that you'd see all the signs if only you weren't so in love with him. We didn't see them and we were always suspicious of Lex."

"Until some time," I told her. "Then we all let our guards down."

"What happened, happened," Oliver said to my astonishment. "Now we can only move forward and get out of this mess. Emil? Will you explain, please?"

"Tess was found…" Emil started and stopped.

"Oh, shall I?" Clark suggested.

"No, I'm fine," Emil said and then continued, "Tess was found on the floor in her office with a dagger in her abdomen. We suspected some JeXCorp employee, but as it turned out, it was the co-owner, Lex. Chloe and Connor were found shot in the head. As you can see, the killings patterns don't exactly match, but Lex is not a serial killer with a routine. He must've grabbed whatever there was near to him in Tess's office and the dagger was there. It was an antic. When he came for Chloe, he was more prepared. The bullets match the gun he owns."

"What about the fingerprints on the dagger?" I asked.

"Good call. We would've checked it if only Lex hadn't confiscated it. Back then it wasn't surprising because we thought he would take it to his lab and his scientists would work on it faster. Now we can tell it was a cover up.

"Tess also taught me something else," Emil continued, "and she learnt it from Chloe. I managed to look into Locians' server and found some disturbing information."

"What kind of information?" I asked, curious.

"Jessica," Clark said. Both him addressing me and hearing my full name coming out of his mouth was enough to make me stand still and listen carefully. "Locians did this to Lex. We were trying to prepare you for the news, but it's finally time for you to hear it. We were never actually wrong. Lex was a good person. There was a darkness inside him, it's always been there, but he hid it well. He decided to be good instead of letting that darkness take control over him. Still, it's nothing we didn't know. The Locians… they managed to split him. We can tell from their reports that Lex was infected by them and that caused his rage and bad side to show up until it was on overload and he split into two people. Remember, so long ago, before you even get together, that Lex came to you and he wasn't acting like himself?"

"Oh, my god!" I covered my mouth with my hands. "You mean… back when that explosion in the lab split him in two different people? One good and the other… evil?"

"Yes."

"It all makes sense now…" I said and staggered.

Oliver brought me a chair and I was thankful for that.

"When he came to me after Tess died…" I started, my eyes opened widely. How could I not realize it all before?! "He was crying. I mean… really crying. And the Lex we all knew never cried. Then he was so soft and delicate with me, so… loving…" I avoided looking at Clark entirely because I was afraid of what I might find in his eyes. He hadn't been so delicate the last time we… "I couldn't believe it was Lex, I felt that he was changed. And he tried so hard…" I continued. "Then, when I asked him about the affair with Eve, he laughed it off, he was so convincing that he only saw me. He went to take a shower and I got the tape. Then I wanted to leave the house and… he was suddenly in the front door, all dressed up."

"So, there really are two Lexs walking around," Oliver said.

"No," Clark denied. "They aren't. The good Lex would've already been here if he could."

"Then the evil version must've got to him!" I understood. "The evil Lex slept with Eve and killed all those people. Not the good one."

"The problem is…" Emil started, "that both of them are Lex. The one and only. That darkness and those feelings were always there, but he fought them well."

"There's a difference between thinking of doing something and actually doing it," I raised my voice. "Do you honestly believe he _always wanted _to cheat on me?!"

Again, not looking at Clark.

"No, I don't," Emil answered to my astonishment. "But men do look at other women. You look at other men too, don't you? You see a show, a movie, you like an actor or think that someone close to you is handsome."

_Please, Emil, do not go there, _I thought hard, but how was he supposed to know?

"When you have no morals, you don't care who you hurt. You care about power and that is all Lex has ever wanted. I did a curse in psychology once, before I chose my major," Emil notified, "so believe me, I know. He may still love you, but do all those awful things just because he feels he can. He wants to dominate you and everyone around him, even the whole world. He plays god."

"He will be stopped," Oliver said, very sure of himself.

"He's a Luthor, Oliver," Clark said, "and there are no limits when it comes to Luthors."

"Can we put him back together?" I asked the obvious question.

"Jess, could you forgive him even if you could put him back?" Oliver turned to me.

It was… it was a good question, I thought and was left speechless.

"Both those sides, good and bad will always be there, inside of him," Emil said. "You can't do anything about it."

"I… But I don't love… I don't…" I started, realizing the horrific truth. "I can't be with the good side only. It… It's not the same. I've been there and I… I didn't love him as I used to. And the evil part… I hate it now. Only when they're one person…"

"I don't think there's a possibility of putting them back together anyway," Emil notified. "Locians didn't use the kryptonite explosion, they did something different. I'm still trying to figure it out, but there is no mention of reversing the process. I can only tell you that if one of the parts dies, Lex dies."

I put my hands to my head. I was getting weak again.

Had I really thought it would be that easy? Lex was a murderer. He'd always been. And I'd loved him so much… Had I really thought there would never be a proper punishment for him? That karma wouldn't reach him eventually? In the first scenario he was always losing me. I was the one dying. He'd managed to overcome that part and in result… we were here.

"The life as I knew it, is over," I said. "Even if there's a way to put him back… I know him all too well… There was a prophecy showing him as the last one on this Earth and there were skeletons everywhere. If he's himself again… the guilt… what he's done… it'll catch up with him and he will never be able to let it go. He will be broken forever. He won't handle it… He will either kill himself or surrender to the evil side just to not feel anymore," I found myself saying, but it was like something was saying it for me. Like something didn't let me think.

"Jessica, I am so sorry," Oliver said honestly and put his hand on my shoulder.

I covered it with mine and closed my eyes. I needed to accept that fact that everything _was just over._

* * *

"Locians will soon stand another tribunal," Clark notified on our next gathering in Watchtower. "They did not expect we would be able to hack into their system and they're willing to give away Lex's location in order to receive a less severe punishment."

"As always, aliens underestimate us," Emil spoke. "They think we're always one step behind them in technology, but we're quick learners."

"So, where is he?" I dared to ask, but wasn't sure I wanted to know the answer.

"In one of their safe houses. After they split him, he apparently thanked them from releasing him from Alexander and started working with them on bringing the human race to its knees. Luckily for us, they haven't gone far in their research, so we can still stop it. Are you going?" Clark asked me and Oliver.

"I guess I need to," I said in a strangely quiet voice.

"Jess, you don't have to if it's too painful for you," Oliver told me.

"I need to," I said. "I need closure."

"Are you sure you want to watch?" Clark asked.

I closed my eyes and took a deep breath.

"I was the one who started it, so I need to finish it," I decided.

"You didn't start anything," Ollie opposed.

"I made him a better person. He changed for _me._ So… it was kind of my work."

"But you didn't reverse the process."

"You know what's the worst?" I suddenly asked. "That… that he is evil deep down inside even if he can keep that part of himself controlled… or used to. If they split you two," I said to Clark and Oliver, "I don't think you would act so bad."

"Really?" Clark raised his eyebrows. "Have you seen me on red kryptonite?"

"Well, have you killed anyone while being on it?"

"No…" he hesitated.

"I did. I killed Lex and I feel like I want to do it again," Oliver informed me.

"The difference is that you walked into that dark path and you came back on your own."

"Well, technically…"

"Oh, shut up!" I told him. "I know who he really is. Maybe I've always been blind."

"Yeah, I don't know what was so appealing in him, I mean… was it the baldness? The skinny posture?" Oliver started teasing me.

"Wasn't skinny," I argued, not ready for that kind of jokes. "Can we just go?"

"Sure. Just let me tell you that women are always attracted to what's broken and original," Oliver said and finally, I thought he actually had a point there. "They want to fix it and they're suffering while doing it. Why are you all such masochists? You'd be much happier if you'd given up on him."

"Let's go!" I repeated angrily, because fuck, he was probably right.

* * *

By the time we got there, the building was already surrounded, but they waited for us.

"Is he in there?" Clark asked.

"Yes, Superman, but he's armed. He's already killed two of my people. Probably still thinking he can get out somehow."

Perfect, he just killed some more, I thought. When did my life turned into a nightmare?

"I'll take care of this," Clark offered.

"Be my guest."

"Those two are with me."

"Mrs. Luthor, I'm very sorry for what you must be going through, but I don't think it's safe for you in there."

"I got her back, don't worry," Oliver reassured the man.

"And I'll take care of the gun Lex has, so he won't be able to shoot anyone else," Clark added.

"Be careful, Superman. I know you're invincible and all, but this guy… well, he is something we haven't seen around in this world for such a long time we forgot what murder really is."

Clark just nodded sadly and we walked inside.

"I hear something coming from downstairs…" he told us when he started listening. "I think the evil Lex locked the good one down there."

"He can't kill him, so this would be the logical thing to do," Oliver said.

"Take me to him," I asked him.

"Alright, but first, Clark you need to get to the bad one."

"I can hear him too. I'll bring him downstairs." Clark was gone.

"Jess? Ready?" Oliver made sure in a worried voice.

"I think so." I nodded.

He took my hand to give me some comfort.

"You can still back out."

"No, I need to do this," I said. "I owe this to myself. I would regret if I just chickened out now."

"Alright. Let's go in, then."

We went down the stairs to the basement level.

"Lex?" I asked into the darkness, a little unsure. "Lex, are you in here?"

"Jessica?! Jessica, help! He locked me down here!"

Oliver clearly found a light switch, because the room was suddenly illuminated with bright white light.

I squinted as it hit my eyes and then, when I finally got used to it, I saw him.

The basement was just bare walls and floor made of cement and at the end, there was Lex. He was cuffed to a chain sticking out of the wall.

"Lex!" I yelled, acting on my instinct and running toward him. It was what I'd known for more than a century, after all.

Only when I got to him and saw him there, lying on that cold floor, tired, dark circles around his eyes, I realized why I was here. I wasn't here to rescue him. I was here to deal with what would happen in the best way possible. I was here to get closure.

I crouched before him, not daring to let him go just yet.

Oliver stood awkwardly behind me.

"Is it true?" Lex asked. "What he… the other… me… said? Did he… Did I break your heart and kill them?" he asked, but I could tell he already knew he'd really done it. Why would the other Lex lie to him? He'd probably told him everything to torment him.

"Yes," I whispered, tears welling up in my eyes. "I'm so sorry, but yes, you did… I mean… he did."

He closed his eyes.

"No, Jessica, it was _me_. _He is me_."

"I know," I admitted, sobbing and I reached my hand to touch his cheek.

"If you can do something to make us whole again… I don't want to live through it again," he suddenly said. "I don't want to live with the guilt and burden of what I've done anymore!"

"What are you saying?" I squealed. "Lex, it wasn't really you."

"Yes, it was and you know it. I had those thoughts and splitting me just made them come true. I killed Tess! My only sister! I killed Chloe! Your wife! And I killed your son too!" he turned to Oliver.

I didn't dare to look at Ollie's face right now though.

"Are you trying to provoke him?" I asked Lex.

"Yes, I do. Is it working?"

"Why? Why would you do this?"

"I shouldn't even have been born, Jessica," he confessed with tears in his eyes, what indicated that he wasn't quite the Lex I'd loved and known for so long. "It would've been better for me if my mother had killed me like she did with Julian!"

"No, you can't say that! You did a lot of awful stuff, but there were good deeds there too!"

"Well, I don't see them. All I've ever done was to cause pain to the people I love!"

"Get away from him!" I suddenly heard another voice, voice that sounded exactly like Lex's, but there was a different tone to it, angrier, demanding, dominating.

I stood up and turned around.

Clark was there, holding Lex in his strong grip.

There was so much hatred and passion in that evil part of Lex that I found myself scared of him.

I looked back at Alexander, then back again at Lex. I decided to differentiate them by calling them like that.

In that moment something dreadful happened.

I realized that I couldn't love any of them, not like this. They were opposites, but they weren't the Lex I knew and loved. That person would never come back to me.

"Jessica, you need to kill me," Alexander said in a serious and decided voice.

"What?" I turned to look at him, terrified. "What are you even talking about?"

Maybe I knew it would end like this, but still… this plea coming out of Lex's mouth…

"Don't!" Lex yelled, still held by Clark. He tried to get away, but it was pointless. I was happy he hadn't stacked any kryptonite and thanks to that, I knew the person I'd been sharing my life with was a good man. Maybe there was darkness inside of him, but what he'd done with it mattered and he'd done a lot of good for this world. He'd also made me and our kids happy. At least till he'd been changed. "Jessica, we can conquer the world together! We can be together forever!" he tried to sell me his world domination theory.

"And then what?!" I asked him. "I will just forget about the people you murdered?! They were my friends, my family! You killed the man your daughter loved, for a Christ's sake!"

"He was a Queen. Luthors do not mix with…"

"Oh, for fuck's sake, shut up!" I roared and he finally did, shocked with my outburst. "What?! You thought I would just sit here and listen to you obediently?! Have you forgotten that I can fight for myself?! I'm not afraid of you!"

"Who else do you need but me?" he asked, trying this again.

I just rolled my eyes at him and shook my head.

"You can't survive without me," he added.

"Oh, and here you're wrong, because I actually can! I was doing quite alright when you were dead!"

"Sure, but you were all alone and depressed."

"That would've changed eventually too!"

"I can promise you my faithfulness."

"Can you even hear yourself?" I asked. "You've already ruined _everything_! And you're not even the person I love! None of you are!" I pointed both the Lexs. "The man I loved was something between you two and he's gone! I won't live with a replacement that just look like him!"

"You're right," Alexander said, "Lex Luthor is dead, Jessica. You need to kill me… but before you do that, I need to tell you something."

"Tell me what?" I got interested, because with him I could actually talk.

"Chloe was meant to die all along."

"What the fuck are you…?!" Oliver started, but I shushed him. There was something nagging in me. Like a feeling I'd always had.

"She was," Alexander confirmed."I'm sorry, Oliver, but this is the truth. When you all first encountered the Legion, they did not have any recollection of Chloe Sullivan. Then, when hundreds years later you, Clark, sent them back in time to make sure the history doesn't change, they did know Chloe. It was a change in time that wasn't supposed to happen and as always, there was a price to pay. A repercussion."

"I don't understand," Clark admitted in confusion.

"But… but I died too…" I suddenly realized, ignoring Clark. "Back then when Clark's father was elected the senator… I died and Clark went back in time to save me. And I'm fine."

"Yes, you are, because Jonathan Kent died instead, freeing you of your fate. That's how it works. Some people are just meant to die at some point and when you save them, somebody else gets hurt. _Always._"

"We knew that already," Clark spoke. "That is why I destroyed the rings and that is why I was so angry with Jess when she came back for Oliver."

"Will Oliver die?" I asked Alexander, getting more and more scared.

"I already killed his son, so no, that place has been filled."

"With Connor?!" Oliver sputtered. "I would've gladly taken his place! It wasn't his time!"

"Do you think he was meant to be there with Chloe that day? Do you think Lex meant to kill him too?" Alexander asked. "The answer to both is no. When you cheat death, a person close to you dies."

"This this mean I… I killed Connor?" I stammered.

"No, Jess, you didn't!" Oliver told me. "I will never think that way. If you died, I would come back for you too! Everything else be damned! Clark actually did, remember?"

"Of course, you would, wouldn't you?" Lex, that was held by Clark, suddenly spoke to Oliver, his voice full of venom. "That was never a secret!"

"Jess, we didn't know," Clark spoke. "But Chloe… I didn't change anything. I just…"

"…saved her," Alexander finished. "Even though the Legion told you she was meant to die, you still saved her."

"How do you know all of this? How do we know we can trust you on this?" Oliver asked the perfect two questions.

"I saw a pattern and I started thinking. I would've been faster if I hadn't been split. I bet this Lex," he pointed his opposite, "knew much earlier than I did. Then Locians only confirmed it. You just now begin to share your knowledge with the knowledge of other civilizations in the universe. This is the one thing worth to know. No one ever should play with life and death," Alexander continued.

"Shut up! Shut the fuck up!" Lex went wild, but his struggling was still nothing to Clark.

"Go on, I see this is important," I encouraged Alexander.

"Bringing people back from the death is wrong too. My father sold his soul to the Dakseid to bring me back. He paid the price, but I, though free of the curse of Darkseid, need to pay mine. I was meant to die. I was brought back. What's the conclusion?" he asked.

"Someone close to you will die or… you die," I finished. "It still feel like too much of a stretch for me," I added after thinking about it. "Lionel did die for you."

"It's not a stretch, it's the truth," Alexander said unyieldingly.

"You little, pathetic…" Lex started again.

"It's too late, Lex," Alexander spoke to him. "They already know what they have to do."

"VA wasn't meant to be created, was it?" Clark asked and we all looked at him, not really understanding his point.

"Of course, not," Alexander confirmed. "Living forever isn't good for anyone. It's not right."

"But we do… we do live forever," I hesitated.

"Yes, that's all a chain reaction because I came back to life," Alexander explained. "If I hadn't, the VA would've never been created. It was my idea, right? To cure all diseases, but also to live forever."

"What will happen to us?" I asked, suddenly terrified of my life, terrified of my children's and friends' lives.

"Nothing. Maybe someday the nature will find a solution and there will be no VA, or maybe it won't. I don't know the future."

"All I've been always doing is trying to help you," Clark told him, "trying to save you! I believed in you and then I believed twice as much for Jessica! Because she loved you so much that seeing her without you, with a broken heart, was just unbearable for me! How could you let us down like this again?!"

"I'm sorry, Clark," Alexander apologized genuinely. "All I can ask in return now is for Jessica to kill me."

"Why me?" I asked.

"Because I love you and I want you to do this, please."

"I… I don't think I can…" I realized I started crying.

"You know you have to. You know it already, but you don't want to believe it."

I crouched down by his side again.

"How can I?"

"How can I live now? After everything I've done?... Does someone have a knife?"

"No!" Lex started struggling again. "You fucking pitiful mess! JUST DON'T!"

"He needs to be killed," Alexander pointed him, "there is no other way. Oliver, you were right all those years ago when you said that somebody needed to stop me. And you succeeded. Now, Jessica, you need to do this. Please. I will not be able to live with such a guilt and he cannot survive." He looked at his opposite again.

* * *

**the end**

* * *

**Now: You can either go to the sequel - _JeXMination _**_(_if you want Lex to live)

**or to _Second Coming _**(if you want him to die)

* * *

**AN: **Bear in mind that the real version is with him living, of course, but I needed to write the alternative, because I had too great ideas. Especially with _Second Coming_'s sequel and finale - _Eternal_.


End file.
